20 Jun 2014

5 Myths about Writing Your Own Vows

Myth 1: I will die if I speak in public!
Lots of people fear speaking in public, but I have never heard of anyone dying from doing so. Others fear showing emotion or tears in front of their guests, but for the guests and the Officiant, it is always wonderful to see this emotion. It reinforces the reason you are getting married, because everyone sees your love. It becomes a moment, a circle of love. The love is in the air or in the room; this circle includes the two of you and I get to share in it.

To curb your fear use these tips to help you:
Big breath in, hold for 2-5 seconds, then release slowly.
Take your time, pause when needed, and breathe again.

Myth 2: I don’t want to share my private thoughts about my partner in public.
Everyone in the audience knows you. They know what you think, because you have probably already gushed about your partner at some point in the past, so think of things to say that you know everyone already knows, use it to flavor your vows, and then embellish, lightly. I always love it when couples speak what they feel.

Myth 3: This is my mission statement for our future relationship!
Many people will tell you that you have to work to make your relationship a success; starting with your vows is a great place to begin. Here is a nice sample of what one couple said:

You are the most beautiful, smart and generous person I have ever known. I could not resist your beautiful blue eyes. The days we spend together just for us are the best days; laughing and goofing off. As I join my life with yours, I will promise to love you, laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I promise to respect you and will support you as you strive to achieve your goals. Today I choose you to be my wife. I accept you as you are. I give you my hand and my heart.

I promise to love you forever and always. I promise to always be there to support you and to be a constant in your life just like you have been in mine. I promise to keep you organized and to always obsessively clean and organize things in the house. I promise to never set a limit on how many fantasy football teams you can have. I promise to respect you and fill our life with learning, love, and laughter. I will always cherish you and work to have a marriage built on equality and respect. I’m so proud, honored, and blessed to call you my husband today and every day for the rest of my life.

Myth 4: This is serious stuff!
Getting married and making it work is serious stuff, but your ceremony… not so much. It can be fun. I love it when couples want to have a bit of fun. Here are a couple of fun samples some grooms wrote for their special day:
I promise to reach anything you may need off a high shelf. I promise to never take your picture without giving you adequate time to prepare. I promise to be a shoulder to cry on and someone to make you laugh. Most of all, I promise to be the best husband and father I can be. I love you.

Our relationship seems so natural. Our time together has flown by,
When I am with you I can be myself, It’s like I don’t even have to try.
You trust me more than anyone ever has, And have supported me in all that I do.
I promise to try my best to make you happy, Support, trust, and forever love you.
Today starts the next step of our journey; As we enter the world officially as one.
There will surely be bumps in the road, And our work together will never be done. When we leave here today as a married couple, Remember this as you are my wife. Not only will you always be my best friend, You are the moon of my life!

Myth 5: I am brain–dead!
Are you planning to memorize your vows? With all of the stress of the day, that could prove difficult. Instead, ask your Officiant to put your vows on a card. Then you can save them for another day, put them into your wedding album, and use them again when you renew your vows. I never recommend couples try to memorize their vows. Why add all this extra stress to your wedding day? I also don’t like to see a bride reach into her bodice for that sweaty piece of paper that is smudged and the ink has run. You can take the printed cards from your wedding ceremony and put them into your wedding album, frame them, or even have your Officiant email them to the photographer or videographer to enhance your memories.

Whether you decide to repeat after your officiant or read your vow off of cards, your vows are always special.

Sandra Lynch

Sandra Lynch, a Wedding Officiant who officiates weddings in the Mid-Atlantic region is Owner of Ceremony Alchemy (formerly, Weddings by Sandy), creator of the Perfect Officiant Mentoring an Officiant mentoring service author of, “You CAN have the Perfect Wedding Ceremony,” and the Perfect Officiant Handbook. Ms. Lynch is retired military and lives in Frederick, Maryland with her husband Tim Lynch and their two fur babies Skipper and Ziggy.


  1. Sandra, this is a wonderful blog post about couples writing their own wedding vows and I plan to share it with my couples. I am always surprised when they think that they have to memorize their vows. This article is ‘right on’! Thank you for this 🙂 Brenda Owen Wedding Officiant & Minister – http://WeddingWoman.net

  2. I really like what you guys are usually up too.
    This sort of clever work and reporting! Keep up the wonderful works guys I’ve included
    you guys to our blogroll.

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